I'm busy enjoying my simple life, when all of a sudden, the internet assaults me with the information that some little kid named Justin Bieber not only exists, but is in fact the biggest musical genius of the 21st century or whatever. Thanks little 3-year-old girl who's mom videotaped her crying because she loves Justin Bieber so much! Your 15 minutes of online fame are secured! It's all downhill from here.
Honestly, I have no idea who this kid is. Perhaps it speaks to my age and maturity that I'm not as plugged into the tween-and-below scene as I once was...15 years ago! Whatever happened to the pop acts of yesteryear? Where's Robin? What about Vitamin C? Does anybody remember Expose? Doubtful, I'm sure.
I haven't heard a single fucking song this Justin kid has sung. Or, maybe I have and I just didn't know it. With all of the bullshit, blatant auto-tuning these days, and the fact that all of these pop music acts are stamped out in cookie-cutter fashion by corporations, it's hard to know what the hell's going on in the music industry, (be sure to check out my future entry where I question the existence of God, based solely off of the fact that "Ke$ha" has any kind of musical career.)
I have no ill will toward Justin "Flavor of the Week" Bieber (as that even how his name is spelled? and do I really give a fuck about how it's spelled? The answers to those two questions are "I don't know" and "No.") I can't hate on him because I know (purposely) absolutely nothing about the kid.
Hell, if I had to ghost-write his autobiography, I'd be sure to include plenty of incest and sexual abuse by his father, his mother, his older siblings, his dog and his mailman. I'd also talk about how, at the age of 3 (he's 10, right?) he had to overcome his addiction to exposing himself in public, as well as his addiction to licking the bottom of turtle shells. Because shit like that always sells books and even if it isn't true (and who knows, maybe it is?) it's interesting. With a background like that, I might just listen to one of his songs (commercial jingles? sporting event cheers? WTF does this kid do?!)
